You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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