wakey wakey hands off snakey
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
