I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is my gift to your gina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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