why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the day after is always just damage control
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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