When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
