I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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