My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
