I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
