You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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