We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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