I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
