For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
