Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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