i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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