Got a toothbrush?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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