Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
