Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
