I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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