I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
