I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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