The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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