i permit you to call me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
