she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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