that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
