just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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