I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
