Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
