I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
