she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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