I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
