guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
