I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
