I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
