She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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