this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
