Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
