And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
