Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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