Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
