I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
worst night to have a conscience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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