he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
