How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
