Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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