so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
