nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
