new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
