We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
