Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
