It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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