I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
