Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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